I remembered someone said that I was trying to change him from saying swearing words, I did try but even though I know it wont succeeded because the way we talk are ingrained to us and when something became a habit it would be hard for us to change it over night, so I make it a habit of mine not to use swearing words but that doesnt mean I cant use it or say it on occasion, so since tonight is the most miserable night of my life, just tonight only, I'll use it (just hoping no kids would read this though, I'm glad though my niece cant speak english).
I'm so fuckin' miserable tonight, I'm pissed off with myself for missing him, for having a fuckin' temptation to contact him either by email or phone call, damn him for screwing my mind and heart, I hope he bloody feels the same way, all these sleepless nights I had, it's so fuckin' frustrating! I guess promises are made to be broken, because things he said are just bullshit!
Im so glad It's raining and no thunder tonight or I would be fuckin' more miserable, I couldnt take this pain and hurt, it's fuckin' tears me apart! I went out an hour ago in the dead of the night and just stood there outside in the rain, looked up to the sky and wishing that the droplets would become bigger and shatter my face, It was so fuckin' cold and I welcomed it, I am waiting for the numb to come, Hell, I dont fuckin' care who saw me in the rain, they could bloody well join me for all I care! Misery loves company and I'm happen to be its company tonight.
Soaked to the bone and still waiting for the numb to come but all I feel is this longing, and the yearning for him, what the hell is fuckin' wrong with me? I have said Good Fuckin' Bye and it's damn better be easier tomorrow or I'll be more fuckin' pissed off!
okay enough of that swearing, glad it's morning and I'm ready to keep myself busy again with things, I just hate the night time when the only thing I could see when I close my eyes is him.
It was raining last night and lots of thunders, I really hate thunders, it makes me jumpy and woke me up everytime. I turned on the TV loud but it's still make me jumpy, the rain was beating hard on the window and I could hear the loud noise it made, I love rain but not thunder.
A face and a memory of someone keep bothering me as well and I hate it, I remembered when it's thunder and it comforted me when I talked to that someone, I was wishing the morning came soon but then in my desperate moments, a person phoned me up, I thank god for that, we talked for at least an hour untill the thunder slowly gone and the rain turns into soft drizzle and I once again felt so sleepy.
Before he hung up, I softly heard him said "I am also trying to be your rock, the one who is there for you to cling to."
Okay I think I need to stop buying stuff or I'm gonna be really broke! hahaha well I bought these earrings for $1.50 each, I just love big dangling earrings, before the sale, they usually sell it like 3 for $10. I dont wear it everyday though, just when I want to go out or on special occasion. By the way CONGRATULATION to my darling best friend Zahira who got accepted to study in SPAIN! I'd like to say I told you so, hun hahaha, let me know the date you're going and for how long because who knows when I go back to Netherlands in December, We could plan to meet!!! I have been keeping myself busy today and it's helping me alot not to think about other things and thanks sooo much for all my friends who are also trying to distract me from my problems, I really love you guys!! Nicole is going to have her baby sooner than we expected!!!!! I am running out of time to send her something for her baby boy! I want lots and lots of pictures of the baby to see how adorable he would be!! I'm sooo happy for you Nic!!!hugs.
I bought this kimono top a few days ago it's on sale for $23 from $39.90. I think it's so cute and I've always love Japanese style, I know the original Kimono is really expensive so this top is enough for me, I could wear it with jeans or black skirt. I also bought a shoe from this new shop called Tinkerbell, it's really gorgeous, I know also that I cant wear high heels, I am a clumsy girl and always fell down even when I wear flip flops but I cant help it when I tried it on and besides I dont have any formal shoes now, it's also on sale for $29.90 from $49.90, I have no idea why they always put .90 at that back, LOL i guess every cents count! I think there's nothing better to cure all illnesses than to go shopping! even window shopping somehow makes me happy, it makes me forget problems and stress reliever. I just realized that True love is never exist, I have always been a dreamer, and I guess I have always convinced myself that I will find my true love, my soulmate, the one guy that will be the other half of me, the keeper of my soul, and each break ups I had, I always told myself that we met the wrong people in order to find the right one for us and some day or one day i'll find him, But i'm just fooling myself.
I want to be realistic now and always assume the worst things because it's easier and when the worst happened I wont be hurting too much because I have been prepared for that. I think right now, I want to concentrate on other things first, how to survive on my own, how to support myself and be a better person, I dont want to think about love anymore, let it comes to me and let it fills me again when I least expected. I have so much love in me but i guess that's still not enough, but I wont look back because life goes on and I want to go with the flow.
I was browsing and found this site at The Company Store and they have so many cute and lovely design for kid's room, I really wish I had a room like that when I was small, I love the horses design because my I was born in a horse year according to chinese astrology.
If I got married and had children, I wanted to have those decoration and design for my children, I want to spoil them and give them things that I lack when I was a kid and of course loads of LOVE.
I love the color, it's bright and i love the simplicity that there's nothing much going on in the room except of course there will be lots and lots of toys for the kids. I also want a shelf to put story books for them. I wish...
I bought this dark brown blouse the other day, I've been looking for that type since a few months ago and actually I wanted the one with the long sleeves but they only have short sleeved ones. Oh well since it's on sale for quite a cheap price, I grabbed it.
I've been scrapbooking like a madwoman, I havent done that since I came back from Netherlands and Paris so I have lots of photos from those stacked up and it's time to organize them before I misplace it or they went missing.
Although I've updated my scrapbook blog again, you can see my creations HERE. It's 5.50AM now and it's time for me to go to sleep, Good Night!
Still about Donnie, the lead singer of ADA BAND from Indonesia that I'm having a huge crush on. I really wanted to buy his cd and his poster when I have enough money that is, although a friend of mine was so kind to upload one of his song into my MP3, and this song just like the previous one that I love so much really makes me feel .... hmm..fantasizing about him hehehe.He looks really young in this video clip but he's still looks cute to me, Well since my readers mostly only speaks english, I am translating this song lyric.
You're My Aura (Kau Auraku)
The Night when Love welcomes a new soul I've been waiting for you for so long But only empty spaces that I've seen Even it's difficult but I must have it.
A deep yearning resulting my desire Reach my hand and take my promise Feel the sincere love through your blood veins Become one in the name of love
Reff: You're My aura, Light a small hope Come possess me and melt the love I'll take you to fly across the clouds Start Smilling like a flower...that brings beauty
I cant deny your existance in me My mind and soul wanted to have your heart Will never let it go I give it all to you.
I couldnt find a bigger image of him but I guess this is not so bad. His name is Doni and he's the lead singer of a band in Indonesia called ADA BAND, actually I know of his song first before I saw the video clip, I fell in love with the song called "Langit 7 Bidadari" (means: The Sky of 7 angels) and then I saw the video clip on TV and saw him, I thought he looks cool and kinda cute. I saw more of his video clips and then his live concert on TV and I beginning to have a HUGE CRUSH on him. I notice he doesnt like to put in alot of style when he sings, he doesnt dance much or try to do something silly like any other band when they're on stage. I love his coolness and his sweet smile, and his eyes just sort of naughty and when he winks, aaahhhhh I could die and gone to heaven!
Anyways, I had a dream about him last night ahahaha I know it's silly, I guess this is a true crush eh? LOL. I had a dream that we were in a cooking competition (imagine how it's about cooking? I cant even cook!) and then he helps me out with cooking and I was assigned to squeeze the lime juice (hehe easy task) and once in awhile he leaned at my side and drop me a kiss on my forehead and cheek and sometimes just looked at me and smile that made my heart beat like a war drum!! hahaha but then the other competitor was so jealous of us and tried to separate us, not sure how or why but then I woke up feeling happy because the image of him kissing me still so fresh in my head, what a wonderfull dream! I hope Doni had the same dream about me too, but too bad he doesnt even know that im exist hahaha. tragic!
I watched the new "Pirates of Caribbean The Dead Man's Chest" yesterday and I must say that I absolutely love it love it love it, I loved their first movie and I love the 2nd although it's not finished yet, they're making trilogy out of it, just like Lord Of The Ring, I just cant wait to watch the next one!!
It's seriously funny and I always loved Orlando Bloom when I first saw him in the Lord Of The Ring, but he comes second to Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, I just love Jack, he's cowardly brave when he wants to be but he's totally cool guy and sooo funny!! I love the adventure in the movie, treasure hunts and the island of cannibal and of course a little bit of a love story. Make sure to stay after the credit lines at the end of the movie, there's abit more.
Although I have trouble in making out most of what they said as they're speaking in a sailor kind of manner and dialects, but lots of funny scenes and actions that's just gonna make you laugh so hard!!
Anyway, I also bought the Pirates of Caribbean T-shirt and some football t-shirt but sorry Zahira, they dont have Portugal one, I've asked the guy, they only have spain, England, Netherlands, Germany, Italy and France. I bought Ocean Pacific 3/4 hipster jeans and a stripe long sleeved shirt, ooooh I just love shopping and Im not finished yet, there are more malls to visit and I might find things that are on sales more hehehe.
I love that movie!! I will buy the DVD when it comes out in stores!
I'm not a football fan and I dont even know what their names or which team wearing what, but I do know that most of the football players are HOT, they're so cool and handsome hehehe, well so I guess I'm not really watching the game instead I'm watching the players hehehe.
I bought a Germany T-shirt last week because it's cheap and thought this year's world cup is held in Germany and I gotta get one of those T-shirt with its name on it, besides it's only $5 t-shirt hehehe. Well last night Germany Won! hehehe so I'm wearing the T-shirt today!
I was visiting my friend's blog in Here and thought to myself she got a very cute retro sunglasses! Since I live in a tropical country where it's summer all year round, I have some sunglasses that I can wear them anytime and I just got a new one about last week so without further ado, here are my sunglasses hehe;
The Big Black Sunglasses that looks like a fly's eyes, I got it for free when I bought a Style Magazine, it looks scary to me though hehe
2nd down is light brown color, it's also a gift from Chubby's mom, it looks like for old women with the silver frame around it
The 3rd is my favorite sunglasses, it's from FENDI and it has a really dark brown color and I love the shape, I bought it when there was a big sale
The 4th is from Levi's, it's big and yellow! I kinda like it because it covered the whole eyes area but it's not black so I can wear it indoor too like in the mall hehe
The last is from DKNY, a gift from my sister, it's also my fave as it's not as big as the 1st one and I need it when the weather is too hot when you have to squint your eyes when you walk and it's stylish too.
I have been trying to pack lots of stuff and I'm also trying to lose weight by drinking apple vinegar which I think it's working, all I have to do now is joining a fitness centre, perhaps aerobic as I love to dance and I think you gotta enjoy what you're doing if you want to lose weight so I wont feel like I have to do it.
I am chatting with my sister right now so I'm back to her, ciao!
I've watched Superman Returns the other day, I must say the guy who plays as Superman? He's super HOT!! he's cool and he has the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen, the part where a bad guy shot him in the eye and there's a slow motion where the bullet was shattered, how cool can you get????
Well I wont be a spoiler in here, I'm not really disappointed watching it, have I said that this guy is HOT? hahaha Superman is also a SuperHunk! Ok Ok, enough of this gorgeous man. My day was okay, finally I settled everything that has been delayed for a VERY LONG TIME and I have to tell you that I feel so relieved and it's like a burden has been lifted from my shoulder.
All I gotta do now is make my life more organized and start a routine and I'm going to start a healthy life ..and hmm..the tough part...START LOSING WEIGHT!!! haha
I am really happy when I got an email from Maggie with her pic!! I took this pic of mine today, I didnt know the fan besides me was making my hair looks like that untill I uploaded it to the comp hehehe but well I just might experiment with that another time hahaha but it looks like my hair is strangling me! Need to get it trimmed, havent been to a Salon for a year, urghh now i'm blabbering, enough of that, Now Let me tell you a little bit about my best friend Maggie.
Maggie is my online best friend, we've been friends for years, we used to love making dolls on the comp and we sometimes send each other's gifts or letters through post and she's a very kind person, she lives in UK and she just moved to a new place, she's a lovely person and I really am blessed to have met and be her friends, I love You Maggie!!