I remembered someone said that I was trying to change him from saying swearing words, I did try but even though I know it wont succeeded because the way we talk are ingrained to us and when something became a habit it would be hard for us to change it over night, so I make it a habit of mine not to use swearing words but that doesnt mean I cant use it or say it on occasion, so since tonight is the most miserable night of my life, just tonight only, I'll use it (just hoping no kids would read this though, I'm glad though my niece cant speak english).
I'm so fuckin' miserable tonight, I'm pissed off with myself for missing him, for having a fuckin' temptation to contact him either by email or phone call, damn him for screwing my mind and heart, I hope he bloody feels the same way, all these sleepless nights I had, it's so fuckin' frustrating! I guess promises are made to be broken, because things he said are just bullshit!
Im so glad It's raining and no thunder tonight or I would be fuckin' more miserable, I couldnt take this pain and hurt, it's fuckin' tears me apart! I went out an hour ago in the dead of the night and just stood there outside in the rain, looked up to the sky and wishing that the droplets would become bigger and shatter my face, It was so fuckin' cold and I welcomed it, I am waiting for the numb to come, Hell, I dont fuckin' care who saw me in the rain, they could bloody well join me for all I care! Misery loves company and I'm happen to be its company tonight.
Soaked to the bone and still waiting for the numb to come but all I feel is this longing, and the yearning for him, what the hell is fuckin' wrong with me? I have said Good Fuckin' Bye and it's damn better be easier tomorrow or I'll be more fuckin' pissed off!
okay enough of that swearing, glad it's morning and I'm ready to keep myself busy again with things, I just hate the night time when the only thing I could see when I close my eyes is him.